Planting Fruit Trees, March 2012

When I was a child, I could disappear into the privacy of the fig tree below my house. Its supple branches spread along the ground making an ideal temporary second home with plenty of space for my dog and me. Just up the hill from the fig tree were two orange trees and farther up were two large lemon trees with yellow oxalis flower blooming under them in February, and just beyond the lemon trees was my home. The whole east-facing hill was a sampling of all of the types of fruit that grow in central California. These trees were interspersed among my family’s apple orchard that my grandfather had started.

It was my grandfather who had the vision to plant this variety of fruit trees long before I was born.
He knew that the top of the hill was a good site to build a house which my dad later built. I didn’t get to know my grandfather very well. He died when I was young, but he influenced my life and the lives of my grandchildren by planting those fruit trees. We don't yet know how these trees will inspire the next generation - For you, Ellie and Ben.

I grew up knowing the smell of fig leaves, the softness of a young peach, the silver leaves of olive trees, the smell of orange blossoms, the taste of ripe apples, the juiciness of fresh plums, and the way my dad smiled when he offered me an unripe olive to taste. Fruit was there for me to pick in the summer. In the spring the trees blossomed each kind with different flowers - the peach with pink flowers and the plum with white ones. The apples blossoms are still my favorite with white in the inside of the petal and pink on the outside. Their fragrance is like no other. In the winter the trees revealed the pattern of their branches and the brilliant mustard flowers grew in between the trees.

This month I planted two new fruit trees, a peach and an apricot, while I thought of my grandchildren. One child will turn a year old and one is expected to be born next month. Last year I planted two cherry trees for my first grandchild. This year I also grafted a delicious late apple variety on to some volunteer apple trees in my yard. These trees will bear fruit years in the future.

When I purchased the two trees this year, a lady in line at the nursery asked me how I could plant trees that take so long to grow that I might not eat their fruit. I didn’t tell her about what my grandfather planted for me but I did explain to her that I couldn’t imagine not planting fruit trees. I am glad that the trees live a long time and will provide fruit far into the future.

Nurturing Relationships

Some relations with family or friends are nurturing. These are the relationships that sustain me. It may be a special relationship that helps me see the truth and appreciate beauty. For example, a coworker and I related like this today. At lunch we talked about our love for and experiences with horses, an animal that I have always considered beautiful. Other parts of our conversation were an attempt to see the truth of situations that we find ourselves in, by sharing insights and impressions. I was glad to take time in my day to spend with this friend.

I am reminded how important my nurturing relationships are with my family and friends by the
passing of one of my true and inspiring friends. First, I will clarify my use of the term nurturing relationships: what is a nurturing relationship? Nurture comes from the same root word as nutrition. Nurturing helps support or sustain. It also can cause growth. A nurturing relationship is one that makes us feel supported and helps us grow to be better people.

Relationships with my immediate family are so deep and special that I cannot even begin to put them into words. These are the people who will persistently tell me the truth about myself that I may not want to hear, and they will tell it again patiently or impatiently until I hear. They care enough to do that. They know that I want to grow as a person and trust that I will be open to the truth.

For example, my son once told me how to be a better listener with specific things to do to listen better and participate more responsibly in conversation. I understood how useful his suggestions were and even took notes at the time. He followed up with coaching in our later conversations. Truth be told, he was probably at his wits’ end with my interruptions and thinking I knew what was being said without really listening. When I was a child, what passed for communication between my mother and me was to talk at each other so I had a lot to learn.

I am happy to be learning to take my time and really hear what is being said. Listening is such a nice way to appreciate another person. I can show someone that they are worth while to me. This may seem like a small thing to do, but in slowing down, I am noticing that the quality of my day is made up of hundreds of small things.